Our plane landed in Ouagadougou just after midnight. I was sweaty, exhausted, and strangely alert. Outside the airport Séverin, who ran the artist-in-residence program at the Operndorf Afrika, waited for us with a casual smile, as if this hour, this heat, this darkness were nothing unusual. We had come as artists in residence to the Operndorf, a place that the late German artist Christoph Schlingensief had imagined not as an arts center, but as a living experiment, where school, work, art, and daily life were meant to bleed into one another. Over the next two months, Claus was planning to build a bar as a social space; I was going to work with children, though I didn't yet know how or what that would entail. All I knew was that I had agreed to something far larger than I could imagine.
Squished into the backseat of Séverin's car, I couldn't see anything clearly. The road turned sandy and bumpy almost immediately. Barely any streetlights, only twitching neon signs, kiosks propped up with corrugated metal, and unfinished concrete buildings that already looked like ruins. Scooters without lights swerved past us. People slept on sidewalks. The air smelled of exhaust, burned wood, and something sweet and decaying. Everything moved and flashed and lurched as if under strobe lights. I kept waiting for a center, for something that would tell me when we entered the city. But this was the city. I closed my eyes, and a completely different image rose up in me: the blue of the Pacific Ocean, the breeze coming off the water, my cat sleeping in my lap. My husband. A life that had been predictable, filled with routine and comfort, which now seemed very far away. I startled when Claus took my hand; he noticed how tense I had become.
At the hotel a guard wearing camouflage and carrying a rifle on a strap, led us through the gate with a weak flashlight. Our room was a round hut in a courtyard. Above the bed hung a fan, and mosquito nets billowed in the air. The walls were the color of cinnamon dust. Everything had been chosen with care, but I had no eyes for it yet. Outside, in the courtyard, someone brought us two bottles of Brakina, bière du Burkina, leaving a puddle of condensation on the table. I drank the beer as if it were water. I showered quickly and crawled under the sheets, shivering despite the heat. Claus was already asleep. I held on to him until I was, too.
In the morning, I woke to the rhythmic hum of the fan. Sound after sound slowly made its way into my consciousness. From outside I could hear men talking in French, their deep voices mixed with the clattering of dishes and silverware. Through the mosquito net the light softened everything into blur. From the bed, I took a photo of my suitcase with its orange security strap, a brown glazed vase, a patterned curtain, and Claus. He is leaning against the door frame, with his hip slightly bent, as it is so typical for him. He looked out through the open door into the light with his back turned to the room. What was he thinking, what was he seeing?
Breakfast was served outside, coffee, cream poured from a blue speckled jug, baguette, butter, jam. Two crowned cranes strutted through the grass, booming their calls. Bamboo grazed the pale sky. It was beautiful. Slowly the world began to come into focus.
That afternoon we drove to the Operndorf. The car was packed with people and luggage. Diop, a fellow resident from Senegal sat squeezed between Claus and me. Crates and bags filled with groceries we had picked up while still in the capital were sliding into our backs every time we stopped. Outside Ouagadougou, things loosened. Distances stretched. Vehicles appeared less frequently, often just one at a time. Closer to the countryside, movement felt dispersed, almost sparse. People walked. Bicycles passed. A scooter here, a donkey cart there. Between them, longer pauses. The journey from Ouagadougou to the Operndorf took a good hour for barely thirty kilometers. „I see the houses“, Claus called out, when the iconic floating roofs appeared on the horizon. My heart began to pound as we turned onto a dirt track hollowed out by the recent rains.
We arrived to noise and chaos. There were no doors and no windows in our houses, everything had been taken off for mosquito screens to be installed. Saws screeched. Red dust billowed through every opening. The furniture stood outside on the dusty ground, oddly forlorn in the open air, our suitcases set beside it like an afterthought. It was late in the afternoon, too late to turn back to Ouagadougou, even if we had wanted to. The driver was already gone.
There was nowhere to be but the terrace on top of my house. There was nothing to do but to sit there, at the edge of a bench, to wait, and to stare out into the surrounding savannah with the trees still full of leaves at the end of the rainy season, their foliage a dense, improbable green.
A lot happened at once. Crates and boxes with our provisions were carried up to the terrace. Claus and Séverin bent over the small refrigerator, cleaning it out so we could store what we had bought. Denise, the cook who seemed to run the Operndorf from the inside, came up to the terrace several times to look after us, to make sure we were all right, and even through my haze I registered her care. Then I needed my passport and couldn't find it, running up and down the stairs, opening the same bag again and again. People came and went. Words were spoken that I didn't quite catch. I felt both in the way and strangely unnecessary, as if I were watching my own arrival from a few steps away. At some point Claus took a photograph of me sitting there on the edge of the bench. It is slightly out of focus. My mouth is open, almost as if I am smiling. I remember being annoyed that he took it, but now I am glad it exists, proof of how far I had drifted from myself.
Then, improbably, the place began to come together. Denise had swept and cleaned. Guards carried furniture inside. Beds were made, mosquito nets hung, fans turned. We showered and changed. Rain pattered on the roof. Lightning flashed across the dark sky like in an installation by James Turrell. I was so tired I cried without making a sound.
The next morning, I woke to sparks bursting through the yellow shutters in glowing arcs. Outside, the workers finished the screens. Light striped the walls. Despite the noise and the glimmering specs, the room felt safe. I walked around slowly, noticed my clothes in the wardrobe, my empty suitcase on top, my shoes scattered on the floor, small traces of my arrival. I realized how exhausted and frightened I was, and that I could barely remember unpacking and crawling under the mosquito net. I stepped into the adjacent room and stopped short. A huge four-burner gas stove stood almost in the middle of the space. It hadn't appeared overnight; I had simply not registered it the night before. Heavy and intrusive it smelled of a life I didn't want here, of cooking and cleaning, the domestic gravity. I wanted this room to be a place to write and think in, not to prepare meals. I told myself it was a small thing, that I could adapt. But the longer I looked at it, the more it felt like something deciding my life for me.
Up on the terrace, Claus was already at work. He had been walking the grounds, searching for a place to build his bar, a social space, he said. He was sewing together laminated screenshots from Christoph Schlingensief's U 3000, a delirious performance in a subway car. On the floor of his house, Claus had arranged branches and stones he had found into a careful composition that reminded me of a Jawlensky face. Balanced, abstract, strangely spiritual. His atelier was already taking shape. I watched him with a mix of awe and envy. He seemed to know exactly what to do, while I was still trying to arrive. Beyond him, the Operndorf lay open in the heat, the wide-open space in the middle, red earth, scattered houses, a few chickens moving between them, the sky wide and pale above it all.
The stove sat in my mind like a weight. When I mentioned it, Claus barely looked up. „Geh doch ins Büro“, he said. Go to the office. I stood there for a moment, feeling the familiar pull to let him take over, to let this be his problem, not mine. Then something in me tightened. I went down the stairs. I braced myself and asked Motandi, the director of the Operndorf, if the stove could be removed. It was no problem at all. Two guards came, lifted it, and carried it away to Diop's quarters. That was all. The thing that had seemed immovable was suddenly gone. The room opened. Light seemed to move differently. Air came in. I sat down at my table. There I sat for a while without doing anything, just listening to the sounds of the Operndorf. An iron door opening and closing, the scrape of benches, a rooster crowing, Denise's voice rising and falling in Moorée, the children's giggles from behind the house.
On the terrace I watched Claus hang the lamps, and Diop on his laptop, reviewing what he had filmed that day. People passed, teachers, guards, children, visitors, each with their own tempo. I listed all the animals that walked by my house. Goats and sheep, zebus, chickens, dogs, and donkeys. In the mornings, I watched the children on their way to school, and in the evenings, I saw them returning home. I watched Denise working in the kitchen, and the guards sitting under a tree. Every afternoon around sunset, the wind carried the sound of children singing across the compound to our terrace. When we asked her, Denise told us that every day after school, the children gathered by the flagpole. One of them lowered the red, green, and gold flag while the others sang the national anthem. The song spoke of love and dignity, of labor and freedom.
One day, as Séverin drove us to Ziniaré, I noticed a woman by the roadside waiting. A writer friend wrote from California, listing her life, her husband, her dog, her work, the program she loved. I could feel her admiration in the way she named it all, as if my being elsewhere had made her look more closely at her own choices. This was how my life appeared from the outside: not as necessity, but as choice. For me it had not felt optional. I had spent years comparing places. The Pacific against the Mediterranean, the hills of California against the low mountains of my childhood. I was always missing something. In Burkina Faso, that comparison stopped. There was no elsewhere to measure against. There was only presence; though when I look back at the photos now, I can see how my old life kept running alongside it, threaded through in messages and images. I was physically alone and emotionally full, still stretched between lives.
The highlight of my time with the children was our trip to the ceramist in Ziniaré, where Claus had ordered tiles for the bar. At first some of the girls refused to sit on the metal platform in the back of the truck. It was dirty, chickens often perched on the metal rods, and traces of them stubbornly clung to the floor. We spread a few colorful woven plastic mats across the platform, and suddenly the truck felt almost festive. The children climbed in, pleased with the transformation. Séverin came along to help with translating. I took photographs, the children pressed together, hands gripping the metal bars above them, their water bottles glowing pale blue in the light. Some looked toward the camera, others already turned away, eyes on the road. When we arrived, they spilled out all at once. The kiln stood a little apart, a rounded earthen structure darkened by smoke and heat. Nearby, tiles were laid out on the floor to dry. The children were invited to choose one of three designs, scratch it into the tiles before them and sign. They squatted close to the ground, serious and playful at once. Some lines slipped. Some proportions distorted. These children's traces were fixed into something that would be fired and remain. I made a tile too. I scratched my initials into the soft clay and laughed at myself for taking it so seriously. Later, that tile would be set into the bar, imperfect, fired, fixed. Another small mark to say: I was here, too. After all the excitement, the drive back was quiet. Dust settled on our clothes and on the day itself.
Before the children went home, we stopped at the bar, its rough shell not finished yet. What was supposed to be a short break turned into something else. At first, the children were hiding behind the bar. They were not visible, but their giggling and whispering gave them away. One by one, they popped their heads up in different places, their laughter barely contained. They vanished, reappeared, multiplied. It wasn't a performance yet, it was more like a contagious current passing between them. Then they climbed onto the bar and sat in a row, legs dangling, heels knocking softly against the bricks. They watched each other, waiting. When I played Attenti al lupo by Lucio Dalla on my phone, a song we had used in rehearsals because we liked its funny sounds, arms flew up, legs kicked, bodies twisted, collapsed into giggles, sprang back again. The dancing was exaggerated, off-balance, gloriously wrong. Joy moved through them faster than thought. For a moment, there was nothing else, no future, no project, no intention, just bodies moving. Later, when I sent the photos to Aino in Berlin, she wrote back almost immediately. She saw what I had felt, the unrestrained energy, the grace in their movements, unbridled joy.
I wanted the children and me to share with their pals and their teachers what we had done. It wouldn't be a performance, just a loose sequence of things we had learned together: gestures, routines, small acts of attention. We rehearsed in fits and starts. They ran off, lay down, stared into the sky. I didn't fight it. Presence mattered more than perfection. I showed a sequence of slides documenting our weeks together. The children laughed when they saw themselves on the screen. For a moment, they were stars. Then everyone gathered at the bar, teachers, staff, and children alike. Music started playing. The blue cushions were used, as were the simple pictures representing emotions that we had worked with — happy, sad, afraid, furious. The audience called out the words. The children stretched them into movement. Laughter rippled through the crowd, and when we mimed their daily routines, everyone joined in. At the end, the children of my group blew bright pinwheels turning in the air. Then everybody danced. As it was almost sunset, the flag was lowered and the anthem sung. And the wind kept moving.
That night I sat alone on the terrace, feeling both full and empty at once. I chatted with Claus until my words slowed and I let go of the day. I took portraits of the children in Claus's studio. Each child stood alone in front of a wall covered with plans for the bar, holding a small chalkboard on which their name was spelled forwards as well as backwards. They made faces, tried on who they were. Chalk dust clung to their fingers. Nina, one of the girls, stayed close. The day before, during the performance, she had searched for my hand. Later that afternoon, when it was just the two of us, she returned. We looked at a book of West African women painting their houses, turning pages slowly. She traced the images with her fingers, lingered on each page. When I accidentally turned a page too quickly, she noticed and we went back. Nothing was to be skipped. I drove her home in our battered pickup truck. She sat beside me, brimming with pride. After returning to our terrace, I cried suddenly and hard, surprised by how much it hurt to leave. That evening, I sat with Denise one last time. Claus and I had bought her a small radio so she could listen to Radio Ouagadougou. We shared a Brakina, the local beer we used to drink together and said goodbye.
I packed. The two houses. The objects. The blue pillows were wrapped and stacked on top of grey bins filled with things I couldn't part with. The floors were swept. The doors and windows were closed. The fans were turned off. Claus's Jawlensky-like assemblage was still spread out on the floor, with a knobbly stick leaning against the wall. Everything looked as if it had been temporarily paused, waiting for someone else to come along and use it differently. It already no longer felt like my life, it felt like a place I had simply been permitted to occupy for a while. I took one last look out over the savannah. The trees around the Operndorf had lost their leaves, their branches standing bare against the pale sky.
Séverin came to drive me to the airport. We left in the late afternoon. It was the same road I had entered a few months earlier when everything had felt loud and scattered, too fast for me to take in. In the light of the sinking sun everything gleamed as if someone brushed over it with burnt sienna. And as always here, the closer I looked, the more layers were revealed. Outside restaurants and bars, tables and chairs were neatly arranged to face the streets. Customers were awaited. The air tingled with the prospect of nightlife. Life doesn't stop just because it gets dark. People keep moving, walking and riding their bikes and scooters. Despite all its improvised construction and barely holding together, I could see determination and a sense of „I dare you“ and „I'm here“.
I left Burkina Faso with a heavy heart. I was changed. Exposed. I remembered something that Christoph Schlingensief once said: that he hoped that Europeans would come to the Operndorf like unexposed film and leave having been exposed there, carrying the images inside themselves. I felt like that: sensitized, imprinted, not yet developed. I had no idea what awaited me back in Düsseldorf. I only knew that something had been set in motion.